It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
