i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
