I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
