im six kinds of drunk right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
