Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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