I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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