Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
