she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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