I swear she didn't look like that last week.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
