Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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