Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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