i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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