theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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