she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
