Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
