you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Enjoy the penises
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
