That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
