i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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