I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
