It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
this hospital has no fireball
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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