The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
