Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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