I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
