We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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