2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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