when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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