it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
