Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
