I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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