i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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