yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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