i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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