jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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