omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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