i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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