ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
