i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
