It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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