i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
