I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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