I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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