I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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