Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
