A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this is an emotional support booty call
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