I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
