sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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