you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
