genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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