Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
