Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
