So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
