When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had sex on a roof
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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