I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
